A Real Complaint Letter

G'day There! Well here's a little piece of correspondance I sent to our good friends at McDonalds one day. I was coming home off dogwatch one morning, riding in my mates Toyota hilux, we grabbed a coffee (It was one of those shitty ones with the plastic lid you pull the triangular bit out of so you can drink it.) Anyway, we went over a bump and I spilt some coffee on my nuts.... yes it hurt... so I thought I'd send a complaint into Macca's complaints department. (For all you international guests reading, here in Australia we call McDonalds, Maccas) This is derived from our slang, basically if your last name is;
Mc xxxxxxxx
Mac xxxxxxx
Your nickname is Macca.
Just ask Elle McPherson... she's a macca too.

Anyway, here's what I sent them......


I'd just like to say that the lids you guys use for your coffee cups are a real cunt.

Especially when your in a 4x4 going over a bumpy road. Today I bought breakfast and got a coffee, me mate was driving and the road was a bit bumpy. The coffee shot out through the triangle bit landed on me duds, soaked through and burnt me right testy. As you could imagine I was pretty pissed off and swearing at you blokes for having such a cunt of a design for your lids.

Have a look at Starbucks or Gloria Jeans coffee cup lids and see if you can come up with something like that 'cause then my trip home would've been pain free and I wouldn't be sitting here typing this message to you guys with red stinging nuts.

You also might wish to change the design from a litigation angle, lets say I was a pretty girl who drove over a bump, spilt my coffee, burnt my tits, lost control of the car, put the bastard into a pole and got scars over my face . . . . . . .(read really heavy lawsuit here fellas)

Anyway, I just reckon you all could put your heads together and come up with a way better design.


Gaz (I've deleted my real name here)

Maybe they thought I wasn't serious.

Then I got this in the e-mail

Your comments have been received by McDonald's Australia Customer Service Department. A member of our team will contact you if you requested this option. Please do not respond to this email as it was generated automatically. Once again, we thank you for taking the time to contact McDonald's with your comments.

I waited a week with no reply. Because I'd reqeusted the "contact me" option I thought I'd get on their case again.... With this.

Dear Ronald,

I don't know if you read my last comment but I was the guy who burnt me nuts with the hot coffee because it spilled out of that triangle bit on the lid (because they are such a fucked design) when me mate drove over a bump.

I requested that you send me a reply and all I got was that automated response.

I'm assuming you've passed my last e-mail around the office and are having a big giggle at my expense. I'm not a happy camper Ron old mate.

Let me tell you whats happened these last few days......

My stud bag developed blisters . . . yes they do sting, I was forced to stick a pin in the largest of the blisters to relieve some of the pain but due to the pressure inside the blister and the skin tension from my swollen sac when I pricked me goolies, me knacker bag kind of . . .well . . exploded like an overstretched balloon leaving me with eyes as wide as dinner plates and two cags exposed to the elements of the world.

I had to collect the pieces up from the floor and walls and get me mum to stitch 'em back together because as a member of the male species I find it incredibly difficult to sew.

I now have a ballbag which looks like its been created by Dr Frankenstein, and all I'm missing now is a bolt of lightning to bring it back from the dead.

I sincerely hope you can fix your coffee lids as only a fuckin clown would ever think of a design like that.

Kind Regards,

Gaz (yep my real name is gone again)

I then got this back.....


Thank you for you feedback in regards to the design of the coffee cup and lid. We have passed you feedback in regards to the design, our packaging department are in developments with a new cup and lid.

Renee Rieck
McDonald's Customer Service

Now.... just re-read that to yourself again....
That answer poses more questions than ever before...
We have passed you feedback in regards to the design,
Now.. how do you interpret that? I can't remember having any design feedback passed to me, or does it mean they scrunched my printed email up and threw a long cut out pass to the wing during office football?

And "our packaging department are in developments with a new cup and lid" ???
I really think Renee should take a literacy course in English......

Cheers, Gaz

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